


we all want to kiss our friends sometimes

by thejilyship



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Clueless lesbians, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Female James Potter, Roommates, fem!jiy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejilyship/pseuds/thejilyship
Summary: Lily sometimes thinks about kissing her friends. Well, one friend in particular.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 22
Kudos: 54
Collections: Fem! Jily





	we all want to kiss our friends sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> #can'tstopwon'tstop  
> I started writing this on my phone during nap time at work. I haven't had an idea knock me out like that in a long time.   
> Enjoy.

Lily Evans, a sixth year prefect, was a completely normal sixteen year old girl. She worried too much about her exams, she stressed over which shoes she would wear on the weekends, she traded records with her friends and sometimes she wanted to kiss her friends. 

Well, not all of her friends, it was just one friend really. Jamie Potter, another perfectly normal sixteen year old girl. 

The two girls had not always been friends, they had frequently butt heads over so many small problems that their other friends found it hard to be in the same room as them. Lily couldn't help herself though. She had always found something about Jamie extremely  _ frustrating.  _ Seeing the other girl with her cheeks flushed and her eyes glowing made something in Lily a bit softer, and so she sought out the arguments.

But that was last year, and this year was different. This year, Jamie approached Lily on the first day of school with the idea that they should leave behind their petty squabbles and give being friends a go. Lily had been unsure, but she agreed, because Jamie's cheeks had been flushed and her eyes had been glued to Lily and if she thought about it, which she didn’t, that was what she really wanted. 

When the first Hogsmeade visit came around, Lily was asked to accompany Fabian Prewettt on a date. He was a seventh year, the head boy, a chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team and all the girls her age seemed to have had a crush on him at one point or another, so Lily said yes. She liked his attention on her and the shy smiles that he sent her way. She liked the freckles on his nose and the points of his smile. 

Before the date, they started studying in the library together. He offered her some help with her Ancient Ruins, but mainly they just worked side by side and made each other laugh. Lily liked spending time with him, but she didn't notice his flushed cheeks or pointed looks. And she never thought about kissing him.

"Really, Evans? Fabian?" Jamie asked the day before the date. Mary and Marlene had been going on about it, excited for her. Jamie didn't look excited. 

"Yeah, why not?" Lily shrugged. "He's sweet and he asked." 

"And he's fit," Marlene added, her brows raised. "Don't forget that he's fit."

"As hell," Mary added. 

"His arms," Marlene fanned herself with her hand and pretended to faint across the end of her bed.

"Right, there's that too." And Lily had noticed that he was attractive of course, but he certainly wasn't more attractive than Mary, Marlene, or Jamie. She didn't think gushing was warranted. 

"Don't pretend it's not at least a little important." Mary crossed her arms over her chest. Jamie had gone to sit on the end of her bed, opening a transfiguration book on her lap. Lily didn't like that she had withdrawn from the conversation. 

"Looks aren’t the most important though, and that's what you said. Right, Jamie?" 

Jamie looked up, reaching to push her glasses up her nose before she answered. "Yeah. Looks aren't the most important part." 

Lily smiled at her and Jamie looked back down at her book. Lily's smile slipped. 

"Alright. What's your favorite thing about him, Lily?" Marlene asked, sitting up on her bed and folding her legs. 

Lily saw Jamie's head swing back up, but she continued to look at Marlene, feeling her cheeks heat up. She shrugged, "I don't know. He's sweet."

"You already said that." Mary reminded her. 

Another shrug. "I don't know him very well. Ask me tomorrow."

They seemed satisfied with that answer and then they were excitedly helping her pick out her outfit for tomorrow. 

Jamie stayed on her bed, with her book. 

The date was nice. He took her to Puddifoots, which was a little weird, a little uncomfortable, but he seemed nervous too, and that made her feel a little better. She made him laugh first and the unease seemed to dissipate after that. They talked and joked as though they'd been friends for a long while. 

He held her hand when they left the shop. 

It was such a small and normal date thing, but Lily couldn't figure out how to nicely ask for her hand back. It felt weird to be holding his hand. He had nice hands, they were warm and soft around hers, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. It didn't feel right, and so she took the first opportunity to let go (to point out a new shop) and then put her hands in her jacket pockets. 

The date ended back in the castle. He walked her back to the Gryffindor girls staircase and Lily smiled at him. 

"I had a good time," He said, his cheeks going red for some reason. 

"Me too." She smiled. 

"Maybe we can go together next trip too." His cheeks were even more red now. 

Lily shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea to me." And it did. Because she liked spending time with him and he made her smile and…

He was leaning toward her now, quickly closing the distance between them before Lily had time to think about what he was doing or why he was doing it. 

He kissed her. Right there in the common room for anyone to see. Something like dread crept up her spine as he pulled away, but that emotion wasn't right. She should be happy that he kissed her, she should want to kiss him. They had gone on a date and they had had a nice time, so why hadn't she thought about kissing him even once? Why had she been at all surprised when he kissed her. Wasn't that how dates were supposed to end? 

She forced herself to smile at him and he smiled back. "I'll see you." He said, his red cheeks making much more sense now.

He turned and walked away only for Mary to run up to her, batting at her arm with a wide grin stretched across her face. 

"You just got kissed!" Mary squealed, quietly but still loud enough for some people to hear. 

"Stop, Mary." Lily said, her voice more curt than she felt it should be. But she was frustrated and she didn't know why and so her voice came out harsh. "Please stop." She tried to amend.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed," Mary's smile was smaller now, she looked unsure. "You didn't want him to kiss you?" 

It was both a question and a statement, which was good because Lily didn't want to have to answer her. 

"Why?" Lily asked quietly. She turned to look at her friend, eyes wide, searching. "Is something wrong with me?"

Mary raised her brow. "Because you don't fancy someone? No. No, of course not." Mary shook her head. 

Lily wasn't so sure. 

Lily let Mary and Marlene comfort her and her mess of feelings when they were safely back in their dorm. Jamie came in at one point, but she sulked off to the bathroom without saying anything, which made Lily think she might have had a rough day as well. 

Lily took a deep breath, “You two go down to dinner, alright? I just want to be alone for a little bit. Maybe I’ll write a letter to my mum or something.” 

“We’ll bring you back some food.” Mary grinned. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to talk to Fabian for you?” Marlene asked for the dozenth time. At least she was offering to talk now instead of fight him. Fabian hadn’t done anything wrong, it was Lily who had screwed things up. She had agreed to a second date, he wouldn’t have kissed her if she hadn’t done that. 

“I’m sure.” Lily said. “I’ll talk to him later.” Once she figured out what the hell was wrong with her and what she wanted to say. 

“Okay.” Marlene patted the back of Lily’s hand and then jumped off her bed.

“You’ll get lots of biscuits.” Mary promised as she picked up her robe and hung it over her arm. 

When the door closed behind them, Lily fell back onto her bed and huffed up at the ceiling. 

She heard Jamie come out of the bathroom, and turned her head to glance at her.

Jamie was already looking at her. “What’d Fabian do?” She asked. Lily had to sit up properly before she could take in the hard look Jamie was giving her. 

“He didn’t do anything.” Lily sighed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest. “I just don’t think I fancy him.” 

“Oh?” The look immediately softened, which was a relief to Lily. “Well that’s nothing to worry about.” 

“Says you.” Lily huffed. “Fabian is great! He’s sweet-”

“You’ve said that.” Jamie interrupted. 

“Well it’s true! He’s sweet and kind and he makes me laugh. If I don’t fancy him, then am I ever gonna fancy anyone?” 

Jamie pressed her lips together and looked at Lily long enough to make Lily’s cheeks feel warm. She walked across the room and leaned against Lily’s bed frame. “You’ve never fancied anyone before?” 

Lily hugged the pillow tighter. “I don’t know. I thought I liked Fabian.” Lily tried to explain, finding it easier to talk to Jamie about this than it had been to talk to Mary and Marlene. Jamie wasn’t looking just as confused as Lily felt. Mary and Marlene didn’t understand why the thought of kissing Fabian made Lily scrunch up her face instead of blush. They didn’t understand why she wasn’t infatuated with his arms and light scruff. Why she wasn’t over the moon to have a seventh year bloke mooning over her. 

Lily didn’t understand it either, but Jamie was acting as though she understood. 

“What made you think you liked him?” 

Lily tapped her fingers against the pillow. “I like spending time with him.” She shrugged. “He’s easy to talk to. I had fun today.” 

“Sounds like you want to be friends with him.” Jamie raked a hand through her hair. 

“I guess.” Lily bit her lip and looked down at her knee. “How do you know when it’s different though?” 

“And now we’re back to my first question. Have you fancied anyone before?” 

“I don’t know!” Lily huffed, looking up at her. “I think so. But I feel like I fancy them wrong. How do you know when you fancy someone?” She looked at Jamie with wide eyes, wanting a list she could use to check things off, she wanted it to be simple, something she could hear and instantly feel better about her current predicament. 

Jamie took a deep breath through her nose and chewed on her bottom lip. She glanced at Lily a few times and then rubbed her palms against her thighs. She took a seat next to Lily and spoke to the floor. 

“Everyone is different. How Mary fancies someone or how Marlene fancies someone or how I fancy someone, it’s not all going to look the same.” LIly almost interrupted to tell her that she didn’t find this helpful, but Jamie pressed on. “Much to my chagrin, I blush a lot when I’m around the person I fancy, or when I think about them too much. Or when Sirius wants to give me a hard time.” She gave Lily a small smile, her cheeks tinted red. Maybe she was thinking about the person she fancied now. 

“My heart goes a little crazy.” Jamie added, looking back at the floor and talking faster now. “I get sweaty palms, my brain stops working right, I say things I don’t mean to say, I get jealous pretty easily, I daydream a lot, get distracted by the simplest things they do, a lot of feelings that just don’t happen toward people that I don’t fancy.” 

Lily frowned. “Huh.” 

Jamie looked over at her, eyes a bit wider, cheeks still flushed. “What?” 

“I don’t think I fancied Fabian.” Jamie smiled again. 

“I didn’t think that you fancied him.” 

“He kissed me.” Lily said, feeling that sense of dread come back. “I should have seen that coming, right? Since it was a date? But I didn’t. I hadn’t even thought about kissing him once, so when he leaned in, I wasn’t sure what he was doing.” Lily laughed at herself and then looked at Jamie. 

“He should have asked first.” Jamie’s hands were fidgeting in her lap and Lily reached over and gripped them in hers. 

“It’s fine. That’s not what I’m upset about.” 

“Right.” Jamie nodded, her eyes locked on their conjoined hands. “So you’re upset because you didn’t think about kissing him at all? Not even once?” Jamie smirked at Lily as she laced their fingers together. Lily rolled her eyes in preparation for the teasing she was sure was coming. “Do you normally consider kissing people that you’re hanging out with?”

“I wasn’t hanging out with him, I was on a date with him!” Lily pulled one of her hands away to push the hair back from her face, but let Jamie keep hold of the other one. 

“Sure, but the way you said it-”

“Everyone thinks about kissing their friends sometimes.” Lily shrugged, avoiding Jamie’s gleeful gaze. 

“Do they now?” Jamie leaned in so their shoulders bumped against one another. “I don’t think I’ve ever thought about kissing Sirius.” 

“Well, he’s like your brother.” 

“Okay, I’ve never thought about kissing-”

“Aren’t they all your brothers?” Lily interrupted. “Let’s be done talking about this now, yes?” Lily pushed her legs out from under her and stood up. Jamie didn’t let go of her hand and pulled her back toward the bed, back toward her. Lily’s stomach swooped. 

“I’m not sure that I want to be done talking about it. Who have you thought about kissing?” They looked at each other in silence as Jamie waited for Lily to say something. She didn’t. “Mary?” Jamie asked, tilting her head to the side and squeezing Lily’s hand. 

“I don’t know.” Lily shrugged, covering her face with her free hand. “I don’t know. Maybe people don’t all think about kissing their friends. I was wrong, let’s move on.” 

“I won’t tell anyone.” Jamies said quietly, her fingers still playing with Lily’s. 

Lily’s cheeks flushed and she searched her brain for a name that she could give Jamie that wasn’t her own, that wouldn’t be absolutely mortifying. “Alice.” Lily said quietly, still refusing to look at Jamie. Why had she said anything at all? 

“You said friends. As in more than one.” 

“Okay, but I don’t want to talk about it!” 

“What about Remus? Have you thought about kissing-”

“No!” Lily shook her head, “Please don’t guess. Please.” 

Jamie slid off the bed, so she was standing right in front of Lily, as close as Fabian had been when he leaned in to kiss her. “Alright. Keep your secrets, Evans. Though it sounds as if you do in fact know what it feels like to fancy someone, and you just don’t want to tell me who it is.” Jamie squeezed her hand one last time and then let go of it and turned to walk to her own bed. 

Lily felt a shiver go down her back and that familiar frustration reared its head again. She clenched her fists at her sides, not sure where this feeling was coming from or why it happened around Jamie so often. 

“I’m going down to dinner.” 

“I’ll come with.” Jamie grinned over her shoulder. “Just let me change my shoes.” 

Lily bit her tongue, both disappointed and glad that Jamie decided to go with her. 

“Do you ever think about kissing your friends?” Lily asked Mary after mulling over whether or not she should attempt to have this conversation again for over a week. But she didn’t keep things from Mary, and she was curious. 

“Sure. I think about kissing Remus quite a bit. His eyes are dreamy. Mostly I think about kissing Reggie though.” They were studying down by the lake. It was late October, but it was sunny and warm. 

“You fancy Reggie, isn’t that different?” 

“Kind of fancy Remus too. Everything that boy says is wicked funny. Don’t think I’d want to kiss him if I didn’t fancy him at least a little. Why? Who do you think about kissing?” 

_ Jamie.  _ But the word stayed tucked under her tongue where no one could see it. 

Mary had been laying on her stomach, but when Lily didn’t answer her, she sat up and looked her friend over. “You think you might fancy this person?” 

Lily bit down on her tongue and frowned. “I don’t know.” 

“You can.” Mary said, uncharacteristically soft. 

“I don’t know.” Lily repeated. “I thought everyone… I don’t know.” 

Mary nodded. “You don’t have to fancy someone that you want to kiss. It’s not a requirement.”

“Why are you acting like you know who I… Like you know who I’m talking about?” Lily stumbled. 

Mary bit her lip. “Maybe because I think I know who you’re talking about.” Lily held her breath, waiting for Mary to say it now. “It’s Professor Slughorn, right?” She said it seriously and then winked and Lily laughed, leaning into her friend. 

“You caught me,” She shook her head. “Such a good friend. The mustache just has me intrigued.” 

“I’m not here to judge you.” Mary threw her arm around Lily’s shoulders and pulled her close. She said this like she meant it, like it wasn’t part of the joke. “I love you, no matter who you think about kissing.” 

By the time the next Hogsmeade trip came around, Lily had been approached by Fabian, to make sure that she hadn’t changed her mind again, and two other boys as well. She nearly had an anxiety attack trying to think up excuses for why she had to say no. 

After she turned down Nathanial in the Charms corridor, she sneaked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. At no point while he’d been asking her to Hogsmeade had she wanted to consider it. He was a nice boy and she probably would have had a pleasant time with him, but when he asked her out, her brain immediately started thinking of ways to get out of it. 

She dropped her bag to the floor and started pacing in front of the stalls. She was a normal girl. Normal girls went on dates with blokes and enjoyed them. They didn’t hide in the bathroom after turning down a very nice bloke for no good reason.

She didn’t hear the door open, but when she turned around to pace the other way, Jamie was looking at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair, or at least pretending to. 

Lily stopped pacing and looked at her.

“Say you’re going with me,” Jamie said, looking determined as she glanced at Lily in the mirror. 

“What?” Lily blinked at her, not sure what she was talking about. 

“When the next bloke from your fan club breaks ranks to ask you to go with him to Hogsmeade, tell him you can’t, because you’re going with me.” 

Lily blinked at her again. Jamie stepped away from the mirror and turned around so she was facing Lily. 

This didn’t seem like she was just offering up an excuse, but Lily didn’t know what else she could be suggesting. 

She didn’t want to repeat herself, so she crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to lie to them.” 

“Then go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend.” Jamie shrugged, running her hand through her hair. 

“Don’t you have your own fanclub of boys?” 

Jamie’s mouth quirked at the corner. “Sure, but I like you more than them.” Lily felt a jolt of tingles shoot all the way to her fingertips. 

“But wouldn’t you rather-”

“Do you want to go with me?” 

Mary and Marlene both had dates. Maybe that’s why she didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” 

“Good. Then let’s practice.” Jamie grinned. 

“Practice what?”

“You saying no to all these boys. You looked ready to pass out when Nathanial started talking to you,” Jamie teased, though she wasn’t far from the mark. “Pretend that I’m… I don’t know, Amos Diggory.”

“Amos is not going to ask me out.” 

“He might though, and we’re just pretending,” Jamie waved her comment away and smirked. “Hey Evans,” Her voice was deeper now, her eyes playful. Lily laughed. “Everyone is going to Hogsmeade this weekend, do you think that you’d want to go with me?” She had her chest puffed out, her eyes narrowed, and her lips pursed a little bit. Amos was a bit of a peacock, but this was too much. Lily started laughing again and Jamie reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “No, don’t laugh at him, Lily. That’s not nice!” 

“Your face,” Lily managed, holding her stomach while she laughed. 

“What’s wrong with my face?” Jamie grinned. “Come off it, Lily. You’re supposed to say, ‘No thank you, Amos. I’ve got plans to go with Jamie.’” 

Lily took a deep breath, wiping away a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek. 

“Say it,” Jamie shoved her shoulder. “You need the practice.”

“Of course.” Lily nodded, taking another breath. “Alright,” She cleared her throat. “Start over.” 

“Hey, Lily,” She was using her mock-deep voice again. “Wanna go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?” 

“Thanks, Amos! But no. I’m going with Jamie.” 

“With who? I didn’t catch that.” 

“Bugger off, Potter.” Lily rolled her eyes and walked over to the sinks to pick her bag up off the ground. 

“Amos has a hard time listening to other people, I was just staying in character.” Jamie pushed her glasses up her nose. “We’ll have a good time.” 

“Aren’t your mates going to be annoyed that you invited me?” Lily asked. 

“I really don’t think so.” Jamie tilted her head. “Also, we’re not going with them.” She hitched her bag up her shoulder and then turned toward the door. “Now come along, flower! We don’t want to be late to History of Magic. Well, actually I wouldn’t mind, but I think it would bother you.” 

Lily swallowed hard as she followed Jamie out of the bathroom. 

Hogsmeade was fun. 

A lot of fun. And unlike her date with Fabian, Lily did not mind when Jamie held her hand or played with her fingers, or touched her hair, or said something flirty. In fact, she liked it when Jamie did those things. 

Maybe this was because Jamie and Lily weren’t on a date, and things were more relaxed, but when Jamie slid into the booth on the same side as Lily, Lily never thought she was too close. She never wondered what she was supposed to do with Jamie’s hand, or thought about what homework she was going to do after they got back up to the castle. 

She didn’t want to go back up to the castle. Maybe that was the biggest difference. 

And she definitely thought about kissing her. 

But it wasn’t a date, and so Lily kept putting all these feelings into a different category than she would have if Jamie had been a bloke who had asked her out. 

No, this wasn’t a date, so all of the confusing feelings that she’d had throughout the day did not warrant a second thought. 

It was dusk by the time the girls finally got around to walking back up to the castle. They were the last ones in the line of students walking up the path. And maybe they were both walking slower than they normally did. 

“I had fun today,” Jamie said. 

“Me too,” Lily nodded, her cheeks wonderfully sore from all the smiling she’d been doing. “A lot of fun. Thanks for going with me.” 

“I wanted to.” Jamie said, her hand swinging in between them, gloved, but looking like an invitation. “We should make this a normal occurrence.” 

“Yeah?” Lily asked, looking over at her. Jamie’s cheeks were beautifully red. “Are you cold?” 

“What?” Jamie blinked. 

“Your cheeks are red. Are you cold?” 

“I’m alright.” Jamie shook her head. “But yes, we should do this every time there’s a Hogsmeade trip.” 

“Okay.” Lily smiled, and then, simply because she wanted to and Jamie’s hand was there, she reached out and squeezed it. Her own hand was gloved as well, but warmth still shot up her arm when Jamie squeezed back and then didn’t let go. She liked holding Jamie’s hand, so she didn’t let go either. 

“You know,” Jamie said the next morning. She was sitting in her bed surrounded by homework, and Mary and Marlene had already gone down to breakfast. It was still early and Lily was lazing about in bed. She opened her eyes at the sound of Jamie’s voice, a smile already forming on her lips. “I think about kissing you too.” 

Jamie wasn’t looking at her. She was still looking down at her homework, whatever she was working on. She said it so surely, so calmly. As if it hadn’t stopped Lily’s heart to hear that. 

“I never said-”

“I know.” Jamie looked over at her, her bed seeming closer than it normally was. “I know you didn’t.” 

Lily’s throat felt tight, bubbles of familiar frustration made their way to the surface, but Lily didn’t know what to do with them. She felt trapped there under Jamie’s gaze. 

“I just wanted you to know.” Jamie shrugged, turning back to her homework. 

They were quiet for a long while and Lily wasn’t able to form a coherent thought. 

While she watched Jamie’s profile, took in the blush that had crept across the other girls cheeks, ears and all the way down her neck, she managed one thought.  _ Jamie thought about kissing her.  _

Lily swallowed and pushed herself up. Jamie looked over at her with wide eyes, most likely ready for a response that was overdue. 

Lily bit the tip of her tongue and gripped her bedsheets. “I’m gonna go and take a shower.” 

She jumped out of the bed, quickly rummaging through her trunk before she ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. 

Once Lily was in the shower, her mind went into overdrive. She thought over all the feelings she’d ignored or pushed aside where Jamie was concerned. She thought back to that list Jamie had given her a few weeks ago, about all the things she experienced around a person that she fancied. Lily was almost always thinking about Jamie in one way or another. She always said things she didn’t mean to say around her. She blushed all the time as well. 

There were things Lily felt around Jamie, that weren’t on the list as well. No one else made Lily feel like she’d been electrocuted whenever they touched her. No one else always felt slightly too far away. No one else’s smile was as contagious. 

Perhaps it wasn’t normal to want to kiss your friends. 

Maybe Mary had been on to something. 

Maybe there was nothing wrong with Lily. Maybe she’d just been looking at everything backwards. She’d never fancied a boy before, but that didn’t mean that she’d never fancied anyone. 

Because standing under the stream of hot water, it became very clear to her that she fancied Jamie Potter.

When she got out of the bathroom, Jamie was standing at the foot of her bed. She had her arms crossed and looked as though she’d been waiting for Lily. “Breakfast?” She asked. 

Lily chewed on her lip for a moment and then silently walked over to the foot of her own bed and put her dirty laundry away. 

“Lily?” Jamie’s voice was much smaller than it normally was. “Please don’t ignore me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

Lily stood up and turned toward Jamie, her heart beating frantically in her chest. 

Jamie had her arms crossed over her chest and despite her small voice, she was still standing up straight and looking as determined as ever. 

Lily couldn’t help herself. She smiled at her, and Jamie’s entire being relaxed. 

“You’re not freaking out?” 

Lily laughed, running a hand through her wet hair. “I’m always freaking out around you.” 

Jamie walked over until she was standing right next to Lily. “Anything else you’re always doing?” 

Lily could see the nerves etched in the corners of Jamie’s smile. 

“Maybe,” Lily said quietly. 

“Lily,” Jamie pushed up on her tiptoes and then fell back to the ground. “Can I kiss you?” 

Lily bit her tongue as she paid attention to all the ways her body reacted to Jamie. “Yes,” Lily nodded. “Yes, I would like that very much.” 


End file.
